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Sunday, 21 October 2012

Job: 30th September to 6th October. Glen Urquhart, Scotland.


This cozy castle (not quite as much of a paradox as you might think) nestles in a tributary glen to the Great one. The Great Glen, I mean. Pen of the Loch Ness monster (or not..).

Oh Lor, I’m drunk from eating haggis. You wouldn’t believe how much whiskey a blob of haggis can take; more than me, that’s for sure. Traditional or not, we doused the haggis in whiskey and set it alight like a christmas pudding, then poured more of the 'fire water' on to it afterwards, for good measure I suppose. The main man did a fantastic job of being thrown into the deep and squidgy end, it being suggested at the last moment that he read out Robert Burns’ Address to the Haggis - in Gaelic.  With an iPad balanced on his whisky glass he managed it flawlessly and in an extremely convincing accent. Amazing. I jumped when he gruesomely stabbed the steaming balloon of offal – apparently it wasn’t quite dead.

Oh happy to be in Scotland when such bounty abounds! Chanterelles carpet (or more like ‘rug’) the woodland nearby. A couple of the guests who are German and proficient in shrooming bring some back on their way down from the hill. I love the German name for them – Pfifferling. Much friendlier than ‘Chanterelle’. I’ve never much liked that name, it sounds too pretentious and French.

This is a stalking estate and venison is on the menu. The lovely under keeper presents me with a slab of the most beautiful boned haunch I’ve ever seen. It’s been well well hung and even he says the fat on it’s exceptional for a wild stag. I pick some rowanberries and make some jelly to accompany it.
This week is turning out to be a total Scot-fest. As well as salmon, venison and haggis, rowan, oats and pfifferling, we’ve had wild blaeberries, grouse stuffed with juniper (the poor mites had spikey branches complete with green and unripe berries thrust up them while they roasted – the green berries have a softer scent I think), marmalade bread and butter pudding, Scottish raspberries, wild cranberries and a hive’s worth of heather honey. One lunchtime I grabbed something for myself a little less grand, but what could be more Scottish than a smoked salmon and McCoy crisp roll? I even made (rather smugly) some butteries. These were a total enlightenment and made croissants seem stuck-up. You make butteries in just the same way as the French version, but of course with less pomp. And, unlike ‘croissant’, they are what they say on the tin; for butteries are buttery. Well, half butter and half lard or dripping. Eaten hot, crispy/gooey from the oven time they are a joy.


There are some truly stunning sites around here and winding along the small roads, the landscape and ruins seem all the more poignant with the extraordinary, nonconformist and utterly cool Glen Lyon blaring out of the wide-open windows. There’s a specialist Scottish music shop in Beauly and I dug out this album in there. All the tracks are spellbinding and individual, apparently lamenting the viscous rage of the Picts and other disputes now stuck in the cold stone of Scottish history.


I’m a sucker for the likes of castles and Cairns, and the last two weeks have been rich in history hunting as well as food. My last stop before England was to see a friend near Loch Leven. There are several castles around there, but also St Serf’s Island. Monks built a retreat there in the Middle Ages and set about writing the history of Scotland, starting at the very beginning with the creation of angels. Doesn’t that sound pretty? Although I’m sure the reality was anything but.

Here are some words from Cratinus, for I think he’d be proud of me this month…

“It takes more than the eating of one brook trout
To make one an epicure out and out.”

Cratinus, 480 – 423 BC.